A Collection of Stories from an Undocumented Youth in America

What If It Was You?

Friday, September 3, 2010

Relationships Are Like An Impossible To Solve Puzzle

And whenever I am sad
Simply embrace me
And whenever I get silly
Discreetly ignore it
And whenever I get crazy
Subtly leave it
But whenever I am dead
I beg that you do not kill me
Inside of you







Is it normal to worry as much as I do? Do I read too much in between the lines or am I really seeing something there?
How do you work a relationship for it to be successful? I am completely new to this, and I'm scared beyond belief. How do you keep it from becoming stale to soon, when you've already moved so fast?
How do you act to have yours and your partner's emotions and desires on the same page? And what happens if you're not on the same page? You're not in sync with each other? Does one part always feels like they're lacking something?
Why do things have to become old so fast? Why does the magic die? How do you bring it back?


Very recently I've been feeling like my partner hasn't been answering to my feelings quite in the way I'd like for him to. Maybe almost to a point that shows he cares little for it. So what happens if only one person is putting in the effort to continue building a relationship when things starts to get a little rough?

The last scenario went a bit like this.
I texted him about a concern of mines. He answered that I didn't need to worry about it because he still had it in his heart. I smiled and said I did too. But I just wanted him to understand where I was coming from and how I was feeling about the particular subject - because it's a big deal to me. So I typed two texts on it.
I got no reply.
Later on at night I called to say good night, we usually never go to bed without saying good night. I asked if he had gotten my texts, he said yeah, and that he was gonna reply but that a friend got him distracted so he didn't. His answer when I inquired what he was gonna reply was a simple "I'll call you later". I then asked again - if he had any answer to what I had said earlier. He played he didn't get it and never really answered me. I dropped it for the time being and hung up. Later, already in bed, I decided maybe a positive approach would get him to understand better. I texted that it was discouraging for me to let my feelings out like that and get no answer about the subject, and for him to please think about it. A good fifteen minutes later, the only reply is "I will, love you baby".

Even though the word "love" is incorporated in the sentence, my heart sank. Really? That's all I get?

Well, that's not very encouraging to continue sharing how I feel about stuff, is it?

So, for now, I'll just wait, although knowing him, it is very very likely he'll forget about this altogether and I'll never have my answer.

But how do you keep small stuff like this from balling up and interfering with your relationship? How do you get your partner to understand, in a positive manner, what you need from them to feel satisfied and happy in your togetherness?

Monday, May 24, 2010

Eight Reasons to Pass DREAM Act as a Standalone Bill IMMEDIATELY

http://immigration.change.org/blog/view/8_reasons_to_pass_the_dream_act_as_a_standalone_immediately

Thank you Prerna! I love it so much!!
This article is absolutely right. So many people don't realize the good a bill such as DREAM would bring to this country. People need to be more humane.
AND YES, WE ARE TIRED OF THE STUPID FINGER POINTING GOING ON IN CONGRESS. WE ARE NOT ABOUT TO LOSE OUR YOUTH WAITING FOR GREEDY OLD PEOPLE SITTING IN THEIR HIGH CHAIRS FINISH THEIR ENDLESS BICKERING SO THAT WE CAN LIVE!!!! WE ARE HUMANS TOO, YOU KNOW!! WE HAVE RIGHTS TOO, YOU KNOW!!
DREAM needs to be a standalone right now. We do not have to wait and lose our youth because of others' mistakes. WE ARE ONLY YOUNG ONCE.

"3. Advancing the DREAM Act breaks the current logjam in Congress and serves as a litmus test.

Dreamers (those eligible for the benefits of the DREAM Act) are tired of the finger-pointing in Congress. One week, White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emmanuel is to blame while another week, Senator Lindsey Graham (R-N.C.) is throwing a tantrum. But the DREAM Act has support across party lines and it can be the starting point of discussion and even the litmus test for other reform."

And this one is for people who are in serious need of reeducation.

"8. Advancing the DREAM Act should teach people about the many ways in which the system does not work, especially for young people.

Most American citizens think that getting legal status is as simple as getting in line. Try telling that to an undocumented youth who waited in line for over 20 years only to "age-out" upon turning 21 and told to go to the back of the line and wait another 15 years (Matter of Wang). It makes little sense, but it happens in thousands of cases: once an immigrant youth turns 21, s/he is no longer considered an immediate relative of her parents and siblings. And once someone is out of status in this country, s/he cannot simply adjust status. For many who want to gain legal residency, the DREAM Act is the only answer that makes sense."

But please read the whole article.

Thank you!

Monday, May 17, 2010

Deadline

June 24th.











Where do you go now?
Where do you go?
Where does the sun go when the night falls down?...

Sunday, May 16, 2010

A Reason For Sharing

Recently a friend of mines sent me a message saying she's been reading my blog. It made me very happy, so I thanked her. She said she backtracked and read it from the very beginning, my first story, and I can't help but to feel a bit ashamed every time I realize people are reading those things. I warned her it contained some really bad stuff, but she gave me very positive remarks on it. All in all, she told me some very inspiring things, and I felt compelled to share how our conversation went, and the reason I have for sharing my life in such a public place. Sometimes it's nice to be reminded of the reason why, specially when I start feeling bad and doubtful about it.
Let's call her J.C.

J.C.: I started reading from the recent posts, and then I noticed you had more in the beginning. I read your very first posts. There was a lot of intense stuff but it started out as a private blog so I know you had no intentions for everyone to see. Though, a lot of people should see this. "A Collection of Stories from an Undocumented Youth in America". It's as real as it gets when I was reading your blog. Keep posting it up as you write new posts, people do actually read these things when presented to them.

Me: Thank you! I want to make the blog a sort of recollection. You know, report of what I've been going through in life and how things are. I always had my doubts whether people take the time to read it or not. And it worries me that some people might disagree with it and have bad criticism. I got one of those in my first post, although I know it could've been much worse. I'm a bit worried that some people might get angry at me and want to tell me I'm wrong and that my suffering is actually not that much, cuz there's people who have it worse. I've heard that so many times, from so many different people. It's really frustrating. I know that if my blog becomes any more popular than what it is now (and it might), chances are that it's inevitable and I'll get people like that commenting on it.

J.C.: I was thinking about the same thing. About how there's always a critic out there who wants to go against the blogger. I fear that too, it hurts when you're sincere about what you're writing and someone else comes along and tells you "it's not that bad" or they comment about how much they oppose your beliefs. You're not a 12 year old, or a teenager whining about high school drama and how you can't afford tripp pants. You are talking about something in the present that affects your future. I understand some might be trying to help by telling you it's not that bad, but if their intentions are "just disregard the issue", then that right there isn't going to help move anyone forward. The motive you have to succeed comes from what you have gone through and what you are going through now. You can't forget where you are now, and you can't let others forget it either. Despite what people may say or think, you're not the only one going through it and what you believe and going through is the same as a lot of people out there who may in fact have no confidence in speaking out, even through writing. It's a risky thing to blog, especially when the internet is becoming a major thing in our lives. I just want to say, keep continuing, I must admit I'd be terribly scared if it were me, so I don't want you to be scared! Keep posting fillers, statistics, reports, posts on your current situation. Inform us, inspire us to believe in what you believe in.


Thank you, J.C.. I will keep striving to make this blog an inspiration to anyone who opens up to it! And I will most definitely strive to make it as informative as I can. Because after all, my goal IS to share what it is like to live the day to day life of someone who is directly affected by a major issue of this country.
The same way I've been inspired by strong people who strive with either the same things I do, or with something worse, I want to inspire those people too. To keep on fighting, to never give up, to never let anyone put you down. We ARE the next generation, and because of what we've been through, we are STRONGER. We are FIGHTERS. We will make this country a better place, BECAUSE of what we've had to go through.
And I believe in that with all of my being.

God bless all of you!

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Sixth Story - S.W.E.R., May 1st, temporary happiness, a place to stay, and more worries

Hey everyone.
So, it's been a bit since I last wrote here... I actually didn't write during April at all. I think it's because I was so happy. Well... I still am, LoL... but I figured I could always use some writing. This blog is here to help me with my mind, after all, and everything is always a work in process. I'm a work in process.
I just figured I'd write whenever something of major importance comes around. I also want this blog to be an activism blog. Right now it's more about my own personal life than anything... heh. One has to start somewhere, right? I need to take the time to read more activists' blogs to get the bigger picture of what one should be like.
Now, without much further ado... I'm gonna go ahead and talk about what's happened for the past two months.

Last I wrote here, I was staying at M.'s place. I went straight there when I came back to Orlando the first of March, and the deal was that I could rent out his extra room and stay. All was well and fine, but the office found out I was there, and that I had a dog, so they gave us three days to either pay the pet deposit fee and add me to the lease, or GTFO. And of course I didn't have 300 dollars to pull out of my @$$ in three days for the fee, nor could I even be added to the lease, because they required a social and did a background check - which would reveal my undocumented status. So, it was something that hit me like a truck in full speed - all of a sudden I had three days to find a place to go to, and I was soooo screwed. This was one of those times in life that makes me believe I'm truly being watched and cared for by some unseen force from above. Just a few days before the incident, a friend of mines commented that one of his roommates had gotten a job in Cali and would be staying the next three months there, and was looking for someone to rent his room to, for that time being. I called him as soon as I heard I needed to get out, and within three days I was "moved out" of M.'s place (not that I had much anyways... one lugagge bag and my dog's things, haha). So... it's a house... a nice big one, and I got one of the rooms upstairs, and I wasn't required to pay a pet deposit fee or anything. They have a nice big yard so I was happy about that, cuz Shiloh loves it. And I got a water bed too, haha. It truly fell from heavens, this whole thing. They only asked me for $150 for rent, plus whatever for the utilities. Which is reeeeeally good in the Orlando area. So, I moved in right in the beginning of April, and I love it here sooooo much. For the whole month, I've been feeling so happy and blessed. Just having such a nice place to stay at, it's actually more than I've had most my life... and for the time being, I have everything I need. Enough money for rent, utilities, groceries, Shiloh's needs, and my Capoeira. I graduated, by the way! I passed my test and got my next cord (belt). It was amazing. A great weekend.
But yeah. So, in the beginning of April, I went to a SWER (Students Working for Equal Rights) retreat that I had been invited to, and they cordially asked me to be the leader of an Orlando chapter. Which is really quite an honor! But also a lot of hard work to do. Of course I said yes, because I know they worry about this area. I spent the weekend at Walter Lara's house with the rest of the chapter leaders of SWER from all over Florida, and I got to meet some really amazing people. We did a LOT of planning for many many things to come, and I even got to meet the four walkers from the Trail of Dreams through webcam! I was so thrilled, I couldn't believe it. Which brings me to May 1st, which is when they arrived in D.C. from their 1,500 some miles walk from Miami. Many people from SWER went, and I was supposed to go and join them in the rally and civil disobedience that day in D.C., but I got sick and I had no one to take care of my dog for the whole weekend. I was super sad I couldn't go, but I guess it was for the best. Rep. Luis Gutierrez was arrested in the name of the movement, and I can say his act certainly moved me. It's simply incredible to see someone from government fighting so hard for something he believes so much in. If I ever see that man in front of me, I will kiss him. LoL.
After that, not much else has been going on. I've settled down pretty nicely and I'm still enjoying myself as much as I can. Because God knows how long this peace will last. It's something I really don't wanna lose, but for a while, this dark thought has been looming in the back of my head. What do I do to keep this happiness? What do I do to be able to keep fighting for what I believe in? And what's the next step?
I don't wanna be a pessimist. But I think it might be dangerous for me to live in this peaceful bliss without worrying at least a little bit. I've been thinking a lot lately about my place. Where I'm at right now...
David (the guy who left for Cali) is supposedly coming back by the end of June. If he does (which I was told it's very likely), I will find myself without a place in about a month and a half. And that worries me. I don't think I can afford a rent any higher than $300 (if that, I'm being generous), and it's not like I can go out and rent my own place, anyways. Since they always require papers around this area. I've told my roommates I really really REALLY wanna be able to stay here after they re-sign the lease (which is in August), but I don't know how that would go. If David decides he wants to stay in Cali for three more months, that would actually help me out quite a bit. I could at least stay here until August. And then, after that, we still don't know who'd be leaving by then. My roommate downstairs just graduated from UCF and he needs to find a job. He said it'll be improbable for him to find one in this area, so I'm thinking chances are that he'll have to move. If he does, I could rent his room and stay here. My second roommate said he'll stay for another year if more people decide to stay here. As for the third one, and David, I still have no idea. But on the other day I was told that I'd need to sign the lease if I wanted to stay here after August... which is BUUUUUULLSHIIIIIT, and makes me so angry... more worried than angry, but still angry... at the situation, of course... cuz we all know I can't sign a damned lease... they check... plus, they also require proof of income, and there's no way I can give them that, when I can't even get a job legally. So... I'm starting to got really worried about this. I don't know what I'm gonna do. ~sigh~

I've been having some serious thoughts about certain "taboo" subjects, but because of their nature, I don't think it's quite smart to talk about them in a public blog, so for now I'll keep those to myself. It's a shame, cuz I really wish I could write anything I wanted down here, but I'm thinking about the future and it looks like it's things best left alone.
For now, this is all I'm gonna report, because nothing else has really happened, but I just wanted to keep this blog going, you know.
In another note, I finally had the courage to make it completely public. I shared it with all of my friends and some acquaintances, plus I shared it on Facebook. It doesn't look like very many people checked it out, but I'm fine with that. Even though I had the courage to do this, I still can't help but to worry about who's reading all of this. I hope I'll overcome this soon.

On a last note, I wanted to thank everyone and anyone who takes the time to read my posts. Thank you, you guys! Even those of you who don't comment (because that's not really all that important anyways), it really means somethig to me to know that you guys care. <3
Well, I'll just write again whenever I have something more to say.
Ta ta, have a good rest of your weekend!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Top 10 Myths About Immigration

Now, this should certainly clear up some differences and confusion... if only enough people would actually take the time to read up on it.

Also, about the very last link on this... for those of you who think of immigrants as "big bad guys/bullies/thieves/whatever", how do you presume immigrants' countries BECAME so bad that the people there needed to seek a new home? Or are you really naive enough to think that your "perfect" America didn't have a finger in it? That they didn't use shameless exploitation to destroy peoples' lives so that they became desperate enough and HAD NO OTHER CHOICE than to seek refuge somewhere else?

Think about it. And, while you're at it - do us all a favor and read up on your history.

1. Immigrants don't pay taxes.
Immigrants pay taxes, in the form of income, property, sales, and taxes at the federal and state level. As far as income tax payments go, sources vary in their accounts, but a range of studies find that immigrants pay between $90 and $140 billion a year in federal, state, and local taxes. Undocumented immigrants pay income taxes as well, as evidenced by the Social Security Administration's "suspense file" (taxes that cannot be matched to workers' names and social security numbers), which grew by $20 billion between 1990 and 1998.

(Source: http://www.immigrationforum.org/about/articles/tax_study.htm)

2. Immigrants come here to take welfare.
Immigrants come to work and reunite with family members. Immigrant labor force participation is consistently higher than native-born, and immigrant workers make up a larger share of the U.S. labor force (12.4%) than they do the U.S. population (11.5%). Moreover, the ratio between immigrant use of public benefits and the amount of taxes they pay is consistently favorable to the U.S. In one estimate, immigrants earn about $240 billion a year, pay about $90 billion a year in taxes, and use about $5 billion in public benefits. In another cut of the data, immigrant tax payments total $20 to $30 billion more than the amount of government services they use.

(Source: "Questioning Immigration Policy - Can We Afford to Open Our Arms?", Friends Committee on National Legislation Document #G-606-DOM, January 25, 1996. http:www.fas.org/pub/gen/fcnl/immigra.html)

3. Immigrants send all their money back to their home countries.
In addition to the consumer spending of immigrant households, immigrants and their businesses contribute $162 billion in tax revenue to U.S. federal, state, and local governments. While it is true that immigrants remit billions of dollars a year to their home countries, this is one of the most targeted and effective forms of direct foreign investment.

(Source: http://www.cato.org/research/articles/griswold-020218.html)

4. Immigrants take jobs and opportunity away from Americans.
The largest wave of immigration to the U.S. since the early 1900s coincided with our lowest national unemployment rate and fastest economic growth. Immigrant entrepreneurs create jobs for U.S. and foreign workers, and foreign-born students allow many U.S. graduate programs to keep their doors open. While there has been no comprehensive study done of immigrant-owned businesses, we have countless examples: in Silicon Valley, companies begun by Chinese and Indian immigrants generated more than $19.5 billion in sales and nearly 73,000 jobs in 2000.

(Source: Richard Vedder, Lowell Gallaway, and Stephen Moore, Immigration and Unemployment: New Evidence, Alexis de Tocqueville Institution, Arlington, VA (Mar. 1994), p. 13.)

5. Immigrants are a drain on the U.S. economy.
During the 1990s, half of all new workers were foreign-born, filling gaps left by native-born workers in both the high- and low-skill ends of the spectrum. Immigrants fill jobs in key sectors, start their own businesses, and contribute to a thriving economy. The net benefit of immigration to the U.S. is nearly $10 billion annually. As Alan Greenspan points out, 70% of immigrants arrive in prime working age. That means we haven't spent a penny on their education, yet they are transplanted into our workforce and will contribute $500 billion toward our social security system over the next 20 years.

(Source: Andrew Sum, Mykhaylo Trubskyy, Ishwar Khatiwada, et al., Immigrant Workers in the New England Labor Market: Implications for Workforce Development Policy, Center for Labor Market Studies, Northeastern University, Boston, Prepared for the New England Regional Office, the Employment and Training Administration, and the U.S. Department of Labor, Boston, Massachusetts, October 2002. http://www.nupr.neu.edu/11-02/immigration.PDF)

6. Immigrants don't want to learn English or become Americans.
Within ten years of arrival, more than 75% of immigrants speak English well; moreover, demand for English classes at the adult level far exceeds supply. Greater than 33% of immigrants are naturalized citizens; given increased immigration in the 1990s, this figure will rise as more legal permanent residents become eligible for naturalization in the coming years. The number of immigrants naturalizing spiked sharply after two events: enactment of immigration and welfare reform laws in 1996, and the terrorist attacks in 2001.

(Source: American Immigration Lawyers Association, Myths & Facts in the Immigration Debate", 8/14/03. http://www.aila.org/contentViewer.aspx?bc=17,142#section4)

(Source: Simon Romero and Janet Elder, "Hispanics in the US Report Optimism" New York Times, Aug. 6, 2003)

7. Today's immigrants are different than those of 100 years ago.
The percentage of the U.S. population that is foreign-born now stands at 11.5%; in the early 20th century it was approximately 15%. Similar to accusations about today's immigrants, those of 100 years ago initially often settled in mono-ethnic neighborhoods, spoke their native languages, and built up newspapers and businesses that catered to their fellow émigrés. They also experienced the same types of discrimination that today's immigrants face, and integrated within American culture at a similar rate. If we view history objectively, we remember that every new wave of immigrants has been met with suspicion and doubt and yet, ultimately, every past wave of immigrants has been vindicated and saluted.

(Source: Census Data: http://www.census.gov/prod/2002pubs/censr-4.pdf)

8. Most immigrants cross the border illegally.
Around 75% of today's immigrants have legal permanent (immigrant) visas; of the 25% that are undocumented, 40% overstayed temporary (non-immigrant) visas.

(Source: Department of Homeland Security http://uscis.gov/graphics/shared/statistics/index.htm)

9. Weak U.S. border enforcement has led to high undocumented immigration.
From 1986 to 1998, the Border Patrol's budget increased six-fold and the number of agents stationed on our southwest border doubled to 8,500. The Border Patrol also toughened its enforcement strategy, heavily fortifying typical urban entry points and pushing migrants into dangerous desert areas, in hopes of deterring crossings. Instead, the undocumented immigrant population doubled in that timeframe, to 8 million-despite the legalization of nearly 3 million immigrants after the enactment of the Immigration Reform and Control Act in 1986. Insufficient legal avenues for immigrants to enter the U.S., compared with the number of jobs in need of workers, has significantly contributed to this current conundrum.

(Source: Immigration and Naturalization website:http://www.ncjrs.org/ondcppubs/publications/enforce/border/ins_3.html)

10. The war on terrorism can be won through immigration restrictions.
No security expert since September 11th, 2001 has said that restrictive immigration measures would have prevented the terrorist attacks-instead, the key is effective use of good intelligence. Most of the 9/11 hijackers were here on legal visas. Since 9/11, the myriad of measures targeting immigrants in the name of national security have netted no terrorism prosecutions. In fact, several of these measures could have the opposite effect and actually make us less safe, as targeted communities of immigrants are afraid to come forward with information.

(Source: Associated Press/Dow Jones Newswires, "US Senate Subcommittee Hears Immigration Testimony", Oct. 17, 2001.)

(Source: Cato Institute: "Don't Blame Immigrants for Terrorism", Daniel Griswold, Assoc. Director of Cato Institute's Center for Trade Policy Studies http://www.cato.org/dailys/10-23-01.html)



Now, a very good article that tackles immigration from a different angle...
http://www.alternet.org/vision/146779/they%27re_not_illegal,_they%27re_heroes:_why_immigrants_are_right_to_chase_the_american_dream?page=entire

Monday, May 10, 2010

Filler - Desperate Action

A Brazilian 19-year-old commits suicide over his undocumented status in this country.

I'm not afraid to say it here that I cried while reading this article. This guy's story is my own. His complaints and pains are my own. His drives are my own.

And at one point, in a creepily recent past, his end could've been my own as well.

http://www.boston.com/news/education/k_12/articles/2010/05/10/many_blame_immigration_pressures_for_young_mans_suicide/?page=1